The Poison of You Must, You Should and You Need To

They're tattooed under the skin of society. Stitched into our conversations, slipped into our stories, whispered into our ears from birth. YOU MUST. YOU SHOULD. YOU NEED TO. These words are everywhere—parents, bosses, teachers, lovers, politicians, even that guy at the café who thinks his unsolicited advice is a public service. Yes, those who manipulate others are manipulating themselves.

And we obey.

Not because we want to, but because we’ve been preprogrammed. And voluntarily brainwashed.These words are the invisible marionette strings of the 'good boy' and 'good girl,' with expectations ready to be filled.They manipulate our choices, steer our decisions, and dictate our lives without us ever questioning who’s pulling the strings.

The Slow Poison We Swallow Daily

“You must be successful.”
“You should have your life figured out by now.”
“You need to work harder.”
“You should settle down.”
“You must be better.”

Sound familiar? Most likely. This language is so deeply embedded in our cultures that it feels normal. But here’s the thing—it’s not. It’s manipulation, dressed up as guidance. These words don’t offer wisdom. They impose control.

And the damage? It’s everywhere. In the way our shoulders tense when we disappoint someone. In the way our stomach clenches with guilt when we set a boundary. In the way we wake up exhausted, chasing a finish line that keeps moving.

Our cells don’t just hear these words—they absorb them. They turn into fear, shame, guilt, emotional debt, and more. The mind translates them into stress, anxiety, and a moldy, growing memory of never being enough. You obey, and in return, you inherit a debt—not just emotional, but existential. A debt of self-worth, of proving yourself, of chasing a version of life you never consciously chose.

The Illusion of Control

It starts early. You must finish your food. You should behave. You need to listen. At first, it’s about basic survival—teaching kids how not to be tiny sociopaths. But as we grow, these words don’t just shape behavior; they shape belief.

“You must be quite.”
“You should always be nice.”
“You need to prove yourself.”

We hear them. We internalize them. And before we know it, we’re living by them—without ever asking: Who decided this?

Worse, we pass them on. We “should” our friends, “must” our partners, “need” our kids into submission—because that’s how we were wired. We enforce the same invisible rules that once caged us.

What If We Stopped?

What if, instead of “You must,” we said, “If you wish”?
What if, instead of “You should,” we said, “You might want to try”?
What if, instead of “You need,” we said, “You could”?

Feel that? The space? The freedom? The absence of an invisible whip cracking over your head?

You must demands compliance. ''If you wish'' offers respect. One is a leash. The other, an open door.

When we change the language, we change the power dynamic. Suddenly, there’s no invisible hand pressing us forward. No quiet, toxic debt we carry just for existing.

Reclaiming the Remote

Words aren’t just words. They hold weight. They hold energy. They carry expectation. And when we live under the rule of ''You must'' and ''You should'', we live under an unspoken dictatorship of obligation.

But here’s the truth: you don’t have to do anything.

Not in the way they tell you. Not in the way they make you feel. The next time someone says, “You must,” “You should,” or “You need,” take a breath. Step back. And ask yourself:

Do I really have to? Or is this just another invisible string someone’s trying to pull?

And if the answer is no? Cut the string. Drop the weight. Take the remote back into your own damn hands.

Because you don’t ''need'' to do anything. But if you wish? You just might.